“So, where do you see yourself, 5 years from now??” – asked the General Manager, Human Resources of a leading paint company. “I see myself, leading a crossfunctional group of people, contributing towards the vision of the organization by ensuring that the strategy is implemented and profits generated” – I said “Interesting!!! So, what are your plans for tomorrow??” – The GM quipped “I really don’t know sir, I usually don’t plan, because I am not good at it at all” – I said innocently (I thought I was honest) He smiled, thanked me and promised to get back to me soon… (Which he has not done, till date)
Confidence Mantra 1:
‘Speaking good English was / is definitely not a measure of confidence or intelligence’, a realisation that dawned upon me and completely enlightened my life at a later stage. Lack of confidence isn’t a peculiarity one is born with. People tend to lose confidence only when they lack a general sense of self control resulting in low self esteem. And this happens when one is subjected to a lot of abuse (emotional, physical or sexual) or a lot of comparisons. People with low self esteem tend to see the world as cynical and hostile and the biggest mistake they end up committing in the process is being victimised which obviously, is a state of mind. And, that is when they feel reluctant to express and assert themselves and feel completely hopeless and powerless. And not very long ago, I, my friends, was one of them. But today, I will let out a secret mantra …which is ‘Don’t let it go without a fight’.
Confidence Mantra 2:
‘Koi bhi Lakshya, Manushya ke saahas se badaa nahi…Haara wahi, Jo Ladaa nahi’ – Bhagwad Gita Not many people see this as an opportunity to rise and bounce back…Most of them succumb to the pressure by either being withdrawn into a cocoon or by becoming a ‘wanna-be’ and losing their true identity (exactly what I had become during my interview). It reminds me of a very famous dialogue from the movie Aatish, in which Baba (Sanjay Dutt) tells Vicky (Shakti Kapoor) “Chaar soney ke chain aur angoonthiyan pehen lene se driver don nahi ban jaata”…and if it is too difficult to comprehend what he meant, let me make it simpler for you… ‘Do not expect the Crow to inherit the elegance of a Swan, by painting it in white’
So, don’t be boring and obvious by telling me that it is difficult to overcome this peculiarity…of course it is difficult but it is not impossible ! It was 23rd of February, 2005 and yet again my lack of confidence gave away, one of my golden opportunities (Interview). I got rejected in the 14th company, and I only had my parents and my upbringing to blame then. When I look back and do a logical deduction of what could have gone wrong in that interview, what comes across strikingly is that one should never feign confidence, because at the end of the day feigning it, only makes you follow the herd but building up confidence and living it literally, makes your life Conceptually Sexy.
I could have easily led myself into oblivion and would have rendered myself hopeless, but instead, one day the inner ‘me’ echoed out. Wake up you Fatso, you are far more capable than you think you are and that is when I woke up like a ‘Baazigar’.
Confidence Mantra 3:
“Samay har kaayar ko shoorveer banney ka ek avsar deta hai…wo kshan yahi hai” – Amarendra Bahubali As they say, when in doubt…Act, because what matters is right here and right now… The first step to building confidence is to fall in love with yourself, over and over and over and over and over again…And that is exactly what I did. Remind yourself that, despite your problems, you are unique, special, and valuable, and that you deserve to feel good about yourself. How do you do it??? Go to a spa, pay special attention to your personal hygiene, wear clean/ branded / stylish (and not garish) clothes that make you look and feel good about yourself, eat and maintain a healthy/ balanced diet and finally pump up some iron by hitting the gym. Guys, believe you me, when I did this and looked at myself, I could see the most erotic person in the mirror…I virtually had the orgasm of my life!
Read books, not for learning English as a language, but to gain knowledge. Knowledge is the most intimidating thing one could possess…knowing English is good to have and should not be mistaken with a must have. If someone is being a ‘show-off ’ (which most of us tend to be, when we think that we have mastered the English language), try asking them the meaning of this sentence ‘Without dubitation, I have been lucubrating indefatigably’ and enjoy the look on their faces.
You should always make time for things that you enjoy doing the most (like watching movies, learning to play an instrument, cycling etc). It also helps, to set realistic goals/ challenges for yourself (like wanting to do an international travel in 6 months from now, wanting to have a girlfriend etc, etc), because only once you have achieved it, you will start respecting yourself all the more. Other things include spending time with people who make you feel special, keeping your area of work or stay hygienic and clean and to sleep well (alone or with girl/boy-friends, doesn’t matter) but sleep well.
Lastly once you feel more confident and have seen the levels rising, be nice to others and bring them on board, because it is important not to forget that until some time ago, you were on the other side of the table. And, I call it humility. Humility is the new ‘Sexy’…it only shows what a gentleman you are and guys, being a gentleman never goes out of style! Today, being designated as the National Head of Human Resources of a multinational firm, I may feel that I have arrived in life, but then my best friend (the inner me) always quotes the example of the Australian Army, where soldiers are not recruited by their ability to win or their winning streak, but by their ability to have failed and then risen again. So, lastly my dear readers, if you have tried these and have not been successful, I shall personally invite you to a session where you would be free to shave my moustache off (something that is extremely dear to me and parting away with it would only mean death to me)! So, WTF are you waiting for, go win the world for it is yours and yours only…may the Almighty be with you always.